do you get lonely?

Yeah, I do.

It’s weird, because it’s sort of this strange kind of emptiness that doesn’t make sense. See, I can’t describe it. That sentence didn’t even make sense.

I have definitely experienced moments of loneliness and if I’m being honest, I still do. While I like my alone time, the sense of disconnection has started to feel more like loneliness.

Have you ever been surrounded by people and felt lonely? I’ve been at work and felt lonely. I’ve been at a party or a social gathering of some sort and felt completely out of sorts, but I feel it’s not just about being physically alone. It’s deeper than that.

Most of my loneliness stems from my childhood, and feeling left out. Growing up in the family that I have, it’s been difficult to feel like I am important. Two years ago, I wrote a blog post titled ‘Left out & invisible’, where I I talk about being left out within my family, and I touched on this feeling of loneliness. I’ll link it here so you can read that because it is a good introduction into this feeling of feeling lonely —> Blog post

At times, it’s been this quiet ache in my chest when no one notices me or the fact that I’m trying to hold it together and no one says anything, but that’s also associated with how I felt growing up and this constant pattern of being left out.

I’m learning that loneliness doesn’t announce itself, it’s not like it comes with warning signs. I remember one time I was talking to this guy, and I was doing the thing with my phone where I was constantly scrolling and checking apps and closing them, just waiting for that message to never come through. Silly things like that. It’s a sinking feeling and it sucks.

We live in a world that is now more than ever connected through technology - texts, calls, social media and it becomes easy to compare our lives to other people when everything is posted. I think social media often portrays a perfect, curated version of life that can leave many people feeling disconnected and isolated. While we see a lot of people sharing some of their most exciting moments, those snapshots don’t capture the full picture of someone’s life.

Over time, seeing others live seemingly perfect lives can intensify feelings of loneliness, making people feel like we’re the only ones dealing with challenging aspects of life.

I think sometimes I make myself lonely by thinking about how things could of turned out and they just haven’t. I have said many times in previous blog posts and on instagram that I think about the timeline of when I’m going to achieve or experience certain things in my life and planning things out in my head. Constantly wondering if things are going to happen for me can make me lonely.

Over the years, the first thing I’ve done and continue to do when I feel moments of loneliness is name it because then you take away its power. I know that it’s okay to say it, it’s not a weakness. It’s real and all of us feel it.

I used to think that I was broken for feeling lonely but truth is I’m not broken, I’m human. I’m working on it.

If you say “Hey, I’m lonely”, I am here on the other side, saying, “Hey, me too.”

You’re not alone; I promise. There are people who are carrying the same invisible weight.