A little girl and her Grandma

I love that it’s September and the weather is getting warmer. The sun and warmer weather always make me smile, but the truth is, I’ve been feeling a little sad lately.

The last couple of days, I’ve been spending a lot of time sitting beside my grandma’s bed; gently stroking her hair and watching her sleep.

It’s quiet, the sun is coming through the window and it’s just the two of us.

Her eyes are closed, but yet she still manages to ask me if I’ve eaten. No matter how old she is or where she is, she always wants to make sure that her grandchild has had something to eat.

I say, “Yes Lola.”

And she says, “Oh, that’s good.”

She opens her eyes and then slowly shuts them again. We go back and forth saying I love you and we’re completely in the present. Just the two of us, exactly how it was when I was a kid.

My grandma is my girl. We have a very special relationship and we have since I was born. I don’t know any different other than my grandma living at home with us, much less staying in the room right next to mine.

While I was watching her sleep, it took me back to being 7 or 8 years old. I would go into her bedroom, she’d be watching TV and she would tell me to get on the bed, so I could watch with her.

She never made me feel like I was alone. She always included me.

Now, it’s different. Ever since she moved into a nursing home, a part of me knew it wasn’t going to be the same as how it was when I was little. I would walk into her room at home, sit in her chair and cry, because she wasn’t there and I missed her.

A lot has changed, but at the end of the day, I’m still a little girl with her grandma. We’re not watching TV, but we’re together in a room and we have each other, and she would always reassure me that we would.

I am so grateful that I grew up with my grandma in the next room. I’m grateful that I spent my formative years with such an incredible woman next to me.

While we know what’s going to happen, we also don’t at the same time.

We want peace, and we don’t want her in any pain.

This is life.

This is now.

We make the absolute most of it.