Yes, I signed my full name

I want to talk about nicknames.

For some people, I think my name can seem long - 3 syllables, 9 letters. A lot for some, but for me, it’s my name. And that’s just my first name, don’t make me add my middle name, confirmation name and last name.

I think nicknames are a personal thing, and not everybody gets to call me one. I don’t mean for that to sound rude, so please know my tone is very calm when writing this out. It’s simply a boundary that up until a year or so ago, I didn’t know I was allowed to have, and it’s more of a work thing. When it comes to work, I do like and prefer being called “Francesca”.

When I started working in corporate, I noticed quickly how friendliness is encouraged and how fast familiarity happens. One thing I’ve learned is that people start catching onto nicknames. Some people don’t even ask—they just start using it because everyone else does. And I understand that. I’ve definitely done that, when I probably should’ve asked if it’s okay that I call someone by a nickname. So, I’ll put my hand up. Lesson learned. I feel as well that it probably feels harmless and inclusive, like they’re simply going along with what’s already happening around them, and fair enough. I can see that 100%.

I remember this one time at an old job. It was someone’s birthday, and we were all passing around a card to sign. When it got to me, I signed my full name. Not to prove a point. Just because that’s my name—and I wasn’t particularly close with this person, so signing with my full name felt natural and appropriate.

Later, I noticed a couple of colleagues pointing at my message and my signature. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the energy was clear. It was that subtle, amused “look, she signed her full name” kind of reaction. And I remember thinking, yes I did. That is my name. And, actually, that’s what you should be calling me too.

It was such a small moment, probably seemed like a nothing moment, but it said a lot. About assumptions, about familiarity and about how comfortable people get when shortening your name.

At the end of the day, people do what they want, but it always good to set the boundary. There are names my family has called me since I was a little girl—nicknames that carry the warmth of home, and nicknames that my friends of so many years call me—ones that are of shared history. Everyone has their own preference of what they like to be called and what nicknames people can use, but given my experience so far working in corporate, I prefer to be called by my full name.

A nickname is a lovely thing when it’s an invitation, but it loses its magic when people just assume.