12. December

I went into this year feeling hopeful and light — just the way I try to enter every day of my life. But this year tested me in ways I wasn’t ready for, and there were a lot of days that just… sucked. There’s no poetic way to say it. Life was heavy, confusing, and painfully human. I downplay a lot of sh*t sometimes. I tend to be like, “It’s fine, I’m okay, lets move on” but a lot happened this year.

Early in the year, my grandma passed away, and before I could fully wrap my head around the news, I was on a flight to the Philippines to attend her funeral. I was away from work for a week, and when I came back, everything seemed to explode all at once. It felt like life didn’t give me space to breathe, let alone process.

Mentally, it was rough. Anxiety and chest pain became familiar companions — especially when it came to dragging myself to work.

Eventually, I had a couple months without work. I was job hunting, yes, but I was also sitting with myself more than I had the last few years. I wasn’t numbing, distracting, or pretending. I was feeling. Really feeling. Some days I cried and screamed into my pillow. Some days I was so angry I felt like my skin was buzzing. But in a strange way, those messy days were healing. They forced me to acknowledge everything I had ignored while trying to stay strong.

Then came a new job. At first, it seemed okay. I was being patient with myself because I was learning, adjusting, and trying. But in the end, I quit. I didn’t like it, and for once, I chose myself rather than forcing myself to endure. That decision was a turning point. I texted my parents the day before I resigned — not because I needed permission, but because I knew they’d worry. I had a plan, even if it wasn’t perfect. And I know that when a child tells their parents their quitting with nothing lined up, that instinctive “Well… what now?” kicks in. It’s because I’m an adult but I still felt like I needed to tell them first. But honestly? It felt like I was finally taking control of my own life. And it felt so good.

Not long after, I got an internship at a marketing and PR agency that I’d been looking at for a while so I went for it. Halfway through that internship, I got a new job. Things slowly began to move again. Not in a cinematic “everything is magically fixed” way — but in a grounded, intentional, I’m building myself back up kind of way.

So here I am, looking back on a year that was… something. Chaotic. Messy. Lonely. Unexpected. But also full of tiny joys, pockets of fun, and a strength I didn’t realise I had. I learned that I value my peace more than anything. I learned to move with intention. And I learned to lean into the “G” word that I mention all the time — you know the one: gratitude.

I’m proud of myself for what I accomplished this year — not just for the wins, but for how I showed up when things weren’t easy. Even in moments that tested me, I did my best to lead with kindness. So if you see yourself in this at all, take a moment to remind yourself that you’re proud of who you’ve been this year — you deserve that acknowledgement.

December feels like an exhale after a year of holding my breath. I’m not the same person who entered this year hopeful and light. I’m someone who cracked open, rearranged and rebuilt. And somehow, I’m ending the year with a deeper softness and a fiercer strength.

This year taught me the importance of honouring my own needs. We hear it all the time that life is short, and the older I get, the more that truth settles in. It’s far too short to remain in spaces that don’t feel right. Going forward, I’m choosing joy — choosing alignment — and committing to choices that feel true to me and bring real happiness into my life.

Here’s to the year that changed me. And to the one that’s coming, whatever it decides to bring.